Manila, 8 January—You've probably seen that viral twin 'Best 9' break-up post making the rounds during the first few days of the new year. (If you haven't, congratulations; I am also hereby sparing you.) I believe that what people do with their break-ups is their own, and I know I was kind of looking for 'modern-day break-up rules in the age of social media'—but man, I did not expect that.
Here's where the story ends (or begins, depends)
This email's original subject line was, "I spent the holidays telling people 'It's Over.'" Which was what I actually did, sort of, in some of the parties and reunions I went to in December, with well-meaning friends asking a seemingly innocent question about the person who was half of me for close to a decade. I suppose that was a fair check; looking back, perhaps it shouldn't have surprised me that no one saw that update coming. Trust me—I did not want to spend the holiday parties updating people about my break-up, either.
(My most awkward I'm sorry I have to tell you this now moment so far: I had to tell a friend who invited me to her January wedding about it, just so she could plan her seating arrangements better. Sorry to mess with the wedding plans, but. Yeah.)
The holidays were a bit challenging, but then again, surprisingly not at all insurmountable. A season of joy, etc. Most times, my reveal was greeted with somber commiseration and kindness, although the primary reaction remained to be What the fuck? Nine times out of ten the people I told responded with the Why question, and the occasional, What did you do?! question in return. I didn't even know I'd grown so used to those, until one friend asked back, How are you?
How was I? Truth be told, I'd been so involved in finding the satisfactory answer to the Why question that I haven't really thought about that.
Tl;dr—there is no satisfactory answer to the Why question, especially when people have specific notions as to why people break-up, and how. The drama, the heartbreak, the works. We had none of that, and sometimes, it felt like people thought it was less believable that way, as if there was only one way to break-up, and that was with all the cruelty both partners could muster. I remain to be protective of our break-up, and I remain steadfast in my refusal to make a spectacle of our ending. We both deserve better, and in any case, I suppose there are better stories to tell out there that are not ours.
And on that note... some good stories I read in the first few days of the year.
Love, after. Two dying memoirists. Their respective spouses. A love story that transcends death and distance, sort of. This tugged at heartstrings, certainly.
Rest in Excitement, Rayya Elias. Elizabeth Gilbert's partner and best friend passed away recently after a long fight with lingering illness. I still remember Liz Gilbert's powerful coming out post on Facebook from September 2016. This broke my heart.
Four questions for 2018. I like beginning the year with a sort of roadmap. Here's a handful of questions that could maybe help you build yours.